A Lover’s Confession

floating lanterns
I have a confession to make.

There are times in my life when I feel a fear at the thought I may live a lonely and friendless existence.  For years, I shut people out; even those who I felt most deeply about. It’s not that they did not (and do not still) love me dearly; but that I would not return that love.

Rather, I did not display or allow them to experience the love I have for them. People need love. It is breath. As a consequence, many went to places where they could experience love and those relationship withered.  The reasons for my behavior are deep and complex; and perhaps in some at some future time I’ll share more. Having said all of this, I do not think my reasons are uncommon; so I’m sharing these thoughts in hopes that I’ll give someone the courage to feel vulnerable.

Today, I am living a life surrounded by a growing circle of friends.  Every day my existing relationships grow deeper, stronger and more meaningful.  And, every day my network of connections grows richer.  This progression starts slowly at first; but the growth is geometric and I am now in the time where these things are progressing much more rapidly than in the past. As my relationships deepen, people find pleasure in introducing me to more of their network and in doing so the growth accelerates.

I am surrounded by people I love.  There is a subtlety here I do not want missed: I love.  The Sun does not say to the Earth, “I will hold you in the gentle sway of my orbit once you are attracted to me.” And, if a man were to stand before a wood stove and yell, “I will give you wood as soon as you give me heat”, we would call him delirious or foolish.  Nature does not work this way.  Yet, this is how we treat our human interactions.

We treat them as transactions: “I will pay you once the work is complete”. To put it more pointedly, “I will love you unconditionally once you prove you love me.”  You see the statement itself is an impossible paradox. When born of conditions, there is no possibility of unconditional love.

People feel the deep and sincere love I hold for them and they are attracted to it; because people want and need love. Because, in expressing the unrestricted love I feel for them, I give them the courage to love and to show that love to the people who hold the deepest meaning for them; whereas, in the past, they may have withheld the display for fear of rejection and hurt. But you cannot reject unconditional love any more than you can, by force of will, repel the air surrounding you. Love flows once it’s given.  In this way, existing relationships are strengthened and I am the source of that effect. This feels good.

Loving is a virtuous circle. By loving, more love is encouraged to burst forth into the world; just as the first tree to bud gives the others the courage to enter upon their own Spring; just as one flame can light limitless others.

Love is a dawning of consciousness in the world.  My sincere hope for every living soul is they are able to experience it in its deepest and most profound.  In the moments where I connect with the Source of Love, I am physically overcome.  My body, in every cell, feels as though it were a field of burgeoning flowers; exploding into bloom.  It is an unrestricted outpouring to all substance and every living thing; a deep experience of Joy for all that is.  For in those moments, I can experience that which I’ve known for many years:  All is one and I am.

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